Flashing Red

I don’t test well.
Not driving tests, or written tests, or testing the waters with calloused and definitely not-Hobbit toes.
I’m perpetually trapped at three o’clock in the morning and the clock ticks on but never gets anywhere,
The same way I sit in my car on the side of the road and watch everyone else move along the freeway, but I can’t, because I’m
Bound, and I’d just hold things up. If I’m raising the stakes, why not try the highway? Why wait
For the green light of someone else’s green and uninformed
Opinion? I’m the deer in the headlights who freezes, hooves melted to pavement.

_{Funny how it’s so different when I’m in the spotlight. I shine brilliantly then, but not as me. I become who I need to be, who the songs need me to be and I wish I could do that forever because I’m happy then.}

But God, I how dumb I sound.
I deliver my pitch from the pulpit to barren pews and it goes
pew, pew, pew! like a war and the batter gets ready to knock it out of the park.
Battered and bruised, it flies and leaves us like birds who fly south for the winter. Their grass is greener there, but they’re always disappointed.

They wouldn’t come back, otherwise.

I go through life like a Four-Way Stop, double checking and triple checking to see which paths are clear
But I always wait too damn long and I miss my chance, but I almost prefer it that way. This way, nothing
Changes.

I’m grateful for my seatbelt, for it keeps me safe secure and in one place, and I’m thankful because I don’t think I really want to go anywhere.
It’s like taking an Elephant gun to a
Bar fight where star light spots speckled skin and broken noses.
We’re far too nosy for our own good. We mar too much of a good thing like ink blots or sun spots.
Just because we leave a mark doesn’t mean it’s ruined; why test and try what isn’t
Broken? It’s just me, that is, but I’ve been cracked for as long as I can remember.
_{I’ve got enough glue to keep me in check for now.}